The Kubeta Workshop (TM)

The Kubeta Workshop

The Kubeta Workshop (TM)

From the organizers of whatever workshops such as “The Peephole”, “Voyeurism – I See You But You Don’t See Me”, “I Love Insects But I Don’t Sleep with Them”, “Underage Boudoir Photography”, “Nature Photography – When Nature Calls” and “Workshop 101 – How To Organize Your Own Workshop After Attending One” delivers a whole new approach in photography workshop. This workshop will include all the lessons from the previous workshops plus a VIP discount card for a strip joint of your choice.

The self-proclaimed Master Photographer Mambo Boso will teach you the basics of photography (which you can also research via internet, bookstores and libraries for free but if you have time to kill and have nothing to do or just darn lazy to learn for yourself you’re very welcome to attend) and also advance photography which he formulated himself – a methodology that is unparalleled compared to any workshop conducted by any professionals. This quote from the master himself will prove otherwise – “By combining different kinds of plug-ins in Corel Photo and Windows Paint I’ve achieved the ultimate photography effect.” Learn “THE ULTIMATE PHOTOGRAPHY EFFECT (TM)” by attending the workshop. He will spoon-feed you everything he knows about photography.

Workshop Outline:

1. Basic Photography

a) How to use Auto and get away with it.

b) Use your DSLR as a Point and Shoot camera

c) How to impress girls with a long chubby lens

2. Portraiture

a) How to take a self-portrait with your DSLR as props

i. Camera on the face (full-face or half-face)

ii. Camera on the waist

iii. Camera on the chest

b) How to convince girls to do a nude photo shoot

c) How to convince more girls to do a nude photo shoot

3. Continuous Drive

a) How to use continuous drive on a non-moving subject/s

b) How to use continues drive on portraiture

c) How to use continues drive on pets

d) Always use the continuous drive every time you shoot

4. Advance Photography

a) Fantasy Macro Photography

b) Fantasy Pet Photography – A Lot of Petting

c) Low Light Photography – Use Pop-Up Flash (Duh..)

d) How to Create Eye-popping Over-saturated, LSD fueled HDR Photos

e) How to do nude photography without looking suspicious (without getting a hard-on)

5. Concert Photography

a) How to use flash and piss-off the performer

b) How to box-out other photographers on your line of sight

c) How to block the shot of the photographer behind you

d) How to do unauthorized concert photography

e) Overpowering the official photographers of the concert

d) How to run fast when you’ve pissed everyone on the venue (specially the bouncers)

6. Post Processing

a) How to make dreamy photos like it was soaked in disinfectant

b) How to Blur images without any reason at all

c) How to make obvious fake “Bokeh”

d) Sharpening your image like you’ve never sharpen before

e) How to incorporate awkward color combinations on your photos

f) How to make 80s’-looking watermarks with emboss and glow effect

g) How to make collages of crap photos to make it look smart

h) How to make your photos look like it came out from an 80’s B-Movie scene

7. Building Self Image (Bonus Lesson)

a) Pretend you know a lot about DSLRs and if someone finds you’re wrong don’t admit it

b) Try to shoot hot chicks most of the time because other subjects are waste of time

c) At least own one Super Zoom lens to impress gullible people

d) Always update your Facebook Profile Photo with your massive DSLR stuck on your face so everyone knows your a Pro (or not)

e) Always post your new equipment on Facebook or Blog before stacking them to your dry cabinet (which will stay there for the whole time) so every one is updated even people who doesn’t give a fart.

f) How to convince people that your’re workshop is worth their money spent even though they can actually research these things on the internet “FOR FREE!”.

So what are you waiting for!!! Sign Up now for reservations. Limited seats only. For More info visit www.mambo-boso.com.

After completing the whole course you’ll notice a drastic changes on your photography skills (if you have one). Now you can organize your own workshop even though you don’t have any published photos, no photo exhibits, no photography award or contest won and no teaching experience in short a total “newbie”. It’s all not important, don’t be discouraged by people saying you’re still a newbie to teach photography besides knowledge is for everyone right? (wink). Here’s the secret – at 12 midnight go to a mirror, turn off the lights and chant 3 times “I’m a thick-face douche bag”. That simple! So even if your photography skills is a mess and people don’t understand what you’re saying your dream of becoming a photographer and instructor came true (but we all know that’s lie right?).

OK now you can wake up.

Note: This Parody was made for fun and not the purpose of offending anyone. Likeness of events, names and character is just coincidental and should not be taken seriously. Credits to the photographer of “Glowing Toilet Bowl” a Flickr photo image.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s